How do you handle it when friends or family use a different agent?
1. Accept that it is not their responsibility to use you.
2. Stop taking it personally...take it as feedback.
3. Wish them the best and be ready to catch them on the rebound.
4. Keep building relationships. (Some will. Some won't. So What. Somewhere someone's waiting.) Dance with the people that want to dance with you.
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Kevin Ward is a real estate coach, speaker, and trainer at YESMasters.com and #1 Bestselling author of "The Book of YES: The Ultimate Real Estate Agent Conversation Guide."
Oh man, you just got jilted, didn't you? And it sucks.
Years ago when I was a little kid, there was a singer named Linda Ronstadt. And Linda Ronstadt had a song that was a big hit called When Will I be Loved? And I just thought of that song because I got a message from one of my coaching members that was down in the dumps and feeling a little blue because they had a family member that had said, "We're going to use you. We want to buy a house," and they ended up using another agent. And I just, immediately the song came into my head, I've been cheated, been mistreated, when will I be loved?
And that was a hit song. And I'm showing my age a little bit here, but that was a hit song and it was actually written by the Everly Brothers and they were the first ones to produce it, I think as a hit way back in, I don't know, the 50s or 60s or something sometime back in the 1900's. The song is just, I think this is so classic for the real estate agent who just got stabbed in the heart by the family member or the friend who used another agent and didn't choose you.
And the song goes on to say, I've been put down, I've been pushed around, I've been made blue, I've been lied to. When will I be loved? When will I get chosen? And that happened.
So the question is, it's going to happen, right? It's happened. If you've been in real estate long enough, you've done enough business, you've talked to enough people, the moment, the time is going to come, that somebody that you know, that somebody that you thought they liked you, you thought they were, you know, loyalty, you thought you were going to get their deal, their listing or their sale and you didn't.
And man, does it hurt like crazy. How do you deal with it? What do you do when friends choose a different agent? And so in this video I'm going to talk about what do you do? I mean like not just how do you deal with this, get over it. I mean, we'll say get over it, but how do you think about it? And then how do you behave in spite of it or because of it.
So let's just talk about four things that I want you to do whenever a friend or family member or somebody that you know chooses somebody else. Okay? So here you go. Number one.
Number one is you have to accept the fact that it is not their responsibility to use you. It's just not. It is not their responsibility to use you, okay? It is your responsibility to win the business from them, to win their loyalty, to win their heart. And when you don't, you can't get upset at them. It was not their responsibility. Well, it was a stupid, they made a bad decision. Okay, maybe.
But we live in America. I live in America. Wherever you're watching this from, wherever you live, people have the right to make stupid decisions and to make wrong decisions. It just happens. Okay? So number one is you got to accept it. You've got to accept the fact that it's not their responsibility to choose you; it is your responsibility to win the business. And when you don't, you've just got to deal with it. Okay? So, let me go to number two and we'll answer that. And here it is.
Number two, stop taking it personally. Take it as feedback. So when they do choose someone else, don't take it personally. They did not mean it personally. In other words, they were not rejecting, they were not saying, I don't like you. I want to hurt you. That's not what was happening, most of the time. It's certainly not. So, don't take it as a personal attack or as a personal affront. Take it as feedback. I didn't win their business. What do I need to do different or better in the future? What could I have done different? What can I do in the future different?
Now you go like, well, I don't know. I tried everything and I thought I had it and all that kind of stuff. Okay, good. So let's say that you look at it and go like, well, I think I did everything right. Okay. Maybe. You may have done everything right.
But the moment you make it their fault, you become helpless. Does that make sense? Whenever you make it their responsibility to choose you and it was their mistake and they were the ones who wronged you, then you're helpless. Now, it's just you have an evil friend or an evil family member and that's it. All you've got it. All you can do is get mad and get hurt and get sad and get depressed or whatever.
But when you accept it as my responsibility to win their business, not their responsibility to give me the business, now I have control and I can say, okay, wait a second. I thought I had that. I thought I had that listing. I thought I had them as the buyer, what happened? What could I have done to change the game on this?
And you have to own the responsibility. And when you lose, you've got to not take it personally and accept it as feedback. All right, now. How do you deal with them? That's how you deal with you. Now, how do you deal with them? Here's how you deal with them. You wish them the best and be ready to catch them on a rebound.
Now, this is very, very, very, very important. I've had it happen to me and I've had it happen to my coaching members so many times, and they'll come on a coaching call and they'll tell the story about what just happened is that whenever you lose the deal, that you lose the listing or you lose the buyer, you say, "Ugh, well, you know what? You've made the decision. I hope everything goes good for you. I wish you the best. If I can help with anything, let me know."
Now, here's what you can't let them do, is you can't let them play both sides. They hire that agent and then they start coming to you and going like, well, they're telling me this. What do you say? Well, I say, you should've hired me but you didn't. You hired them. So, go talk to them about it and work it out. I can't help you while you're working with them.
So you've got to be strong and have clear lines of demarcation about what you can help him do and what you cannot help them do. But I'm not going to be your consult, your consultant when you've hired somebody else and you committed to work with them. They should be your consultant. And if I should be your consultant, then fire them and come work with me. Okay now, depending on the relationship, how much of that you can actually say to them, it would be dictated by that. Depends. If they're in a committed, signed listing agreement or whatever, if they come to you, you can talk to them. You can't go to them and solicit the business back, pretty much no matter what, check with your broker.
I'm not an attorney, I'm not your broker. But that's the way it works. Okay. So, I'm going to wish them the best. I'm going to still wish good on them and I'm going to just be ready to catch them on the rebound, because here is the reality.
A large percentage of the time, things do not go the way they expected it to go with that other agent, and I talk about this in my training, that we as an industry, the real estate industry, is full of amateurs.
And so I know, and think about it. Just 80% don't even make it past their second year. Most of the agents people run into are going to be out of business in the next two to five years. They're not great agents. They're just not. So I've got to be ready, because that that agent may not come through for them. It's going to be tougher than they thought. It's not going to work out the way they thought and they're going to be regretting that they chose that agent instead of me. So what happens?
If you're gracious in the defeat, if you're gracious, when they choose the other agent and you're still open and helpful, guess what's going to happen? They're going to come back to you over and over and over again. It'll happen so many times, it'll blow your mind. Now, you've got to be good. You've got to be competent, so that they want to come to you. That goes back to accept it as your responsibility to win them and you'd be worthy of their business. And once that happens, I'm just going to wait for them, catch them on the rebound. When the deal falls through, the listing doesn't sell, whatever it is, I'm going to be the one they come back to and go, absolutely, I'm happy to help.
And then I'm going to forget. I'm going to let bygones be bygones and I'm going to build that relationship and win with them now. And I promise you, when somebody has left you and comes back, they'll be more loyal in the future. All right?
And then number four, no matter what happens, no matter how it goes or anything, keep building relationships. Keep building new relationship channels of business, because you can't count on any one deal. You can't count on any one person's business. So that if somebody breaks your heart and it's going to happen, they break your heart, you're not left in the dumps, because you got more business. So keep building relationships. And I remember this, I actually remember learning this when I was in network marketing and multilevel marketing years ago and this what they always said, they said "Some will, some won't. So what? Somewhere, someone's waiting."
There's going to be people that can break your heart. There's going to be people that are going to say no. You're going to do everything right, say everything right, people that you know, people that you trust, that you like, you thought were your friends, they're family members or whatever, you knew they were going to give you business and they're not. And you can let it defeat you or you can let it inspire you.
And the way I look at it, I looked at it this way as a real estate agent. I look at it this way today as a real estate coach and that is, I want to dance with people that want to dance with me. You just choose to say, I'm going to dance with people that want to dance with me, and if they don't want to dance with me and they want to dance with somebody else, okay, cool. It's not the end of the world. It's not the love of my life. It's just somebody that made a different choice and I'm going to respect their choice even if I disagree with it, even if it hurts me even if it breaks my heart. My heart will heal. I'm going to keep loving. I'm going to keep serving. I'm going to keep building relationships. I'm going to keep finding people that I can help and keep focused on the ones I can help and not worry about the ones that got away.
And if you will do that, you will win. You may still get jilted, but you will not get defeated and you will win all the way around. So, don't let it get you down, my friend. I've felt it. It hurts, the knife in the heart, it hurts. Pull it out and get over it.
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