Do you want to know how to get more listing appointments? More clients? More people to say “yes” to you? Embedded commands are an amazingly powerful and effective influence strategy when used correctly.
An “embedded command is, just like it sounds, a command that is embedded inside of a question…or statement that subconsciously gives an order to the brain to think or do a certain thing. .
Embedded commands are a tool, like a knife. A knife can be used to do good or evil. NLP strategies can be used to manipulate for selfish or unethical reasons…which makes you a con-artist (i.e. evil). Or they can be used to help someone make a good decision, which makes you a more effective leader and problem-solver for someone who can benefit from your help (i.e. good).
In this video, Kevin explains how to use embedded commands effectively:
1. Be inviting. Not insisting.
You don’t want to come across as threatening. Pressuring…pushing causes resistance. Be powerful, not forceful. Use an inviting, suggestive tone to create pull (attraction) rather than push (resistance), so they’re giving in to something the want to do…not giving into something they don’t want to do.
The goal is to lower resistance. Be attractive, not abrasive. Be inviting, not intimidating. Inspiring, not insisting.
2. Be confident. Not desperate.
Don’t sound like your begging. Use a downswing, don’t upswing.
Be the magnet, not the jackhammer…and make it easy for them to say “yes” to you.
Hi there, this is Kevin Ward with Yes Masters Real Estate Success Training. Helping you get more yeses and more success in your business and in your life. Let’s talk about embedded commands. Now, an embedded command is a Neuro-Linguistic Programming strategy. NLP for short, which is a communication strategy which is extremely powerful when it comes to inspiring people to say yes to you. Getting people to say yes to you.
What an embedded command is, very simply a command that is embedded. Right? Embedded inside of a question or statement that subconsciously gives a command to the brain to do a certain thing or to think a certain thing. As a simple example, an embedded command would be, “Do you want to…come over to my house… for dinner?” It’s a simple question, “do you want to come over to my house for dinner?” The embedded command is “come over to my house.” That would be an embedded command.
Again, it is a command that is subconsciously embedded inside of a statement or question that is intended to give a command to the brain. This is very important to understand up front because a lot of people are like, “Uh, that Neuro-Linguistic Programming, it sounds manipulative. It sounds sneaky. It sounds underhanded.” And so forth. Understand that in NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and the tools in it, embedded command and so forth, is simply that, it is a tool. It’s like a knife. A knife is not good or evil. A knife is a tool, and it can be used to do good. Or it can be used to do evil. If you’re using an embedded command to manipulate someone selfishly for your own gain, or for unethical reasons, that’s what makes you a con artist. In other words, that’s deceptive, that’s evil.
On the other hand, if you use an embedded command as a tool to help somebody make a decision that’s good for them and you’re using that to influence them or to lead them in a way that can add value to them and help them make a good decision. Then that’s another way to use a tool that uses it in a good way. That adds value to people. One makes you a con artist and one makes you a problem solver. It depends on your motivation. Understand what I’m teaching you is a tool. When I teach agents how to use embedded commands and how to use NLP techniques and strategies, my presupposition is that your heart is in this business to add value to people. Not just to serve your own selfish gain. There you go.
This is the tool, an embedded command, “Do you want to… come over to my house… for dinner?” That would be an embedded command. Now, let’s talk about what is it that makes an embedded command powerful and effective when it comes to getting yeses, getting people to say yes to you. Well, there’s a couple of really important keys about how you use an embedded command. The first one is, that you want to use an embedded command in a way that is inviting. So…
#1: Be inviting, not insisting.
Or another way to say it is, be inviting, not threatening.
I gave you an example of an embedded command a minute ago, “Come over to my house.” “Would you like to come over to my house for dinner?” Here would be a way to use an NLP embedded command in a way that is threatening or insisting, “Do you want to come over to my house? For dinner?” That would be an insistent command. That would be a threatening command. If you just took it out of the embedded and you just put it into a statement, as a straight up command. I could say to somebody that I’m mad at that there late. They were supposed to be at my house an hour ago and I could say, “Come over to my house. Right now. Get your butt over here.” And it’s threatening, right? It’s insistent, it’s demanding. Or, I could say, “Come over to my house.” Now, it’s still a command but it’s an inviting command, not a forceful, demanding command. When you’re talking to a seller or a prospect, or a lead, or a buyer, whatever it is, when you’re talking to somebody and you’re trying to inspire them to say yes to you, a threatening tonality, a threatening embedded command creates resistance. What you want to do is when you use an embedded command you want to be inviting not threatening.
Then the second key to really being powerful with embedded commands is to
#2: Be confident, not desperate.
Or another way to say it Is to be confident, not begging. I don’t want to say, “Come over to my house. Please, come over? Would you come over to my house? Please come over to my house for dinner. Would you come over to my house for dinner please?” That would still be an embedded command, “Come over to my house.” In a way, but it’s begging, it’s desperate. It doesn’t sound confident. The key to making an embedded command a powerful command is by making it sound confident.
You don’t want to be demanding. You don’t want to be forceful. You don’t want to be the jackhammer. You want to be the magnet. You want to be confident and compelling, rather than demanding and repelling. You see, what happens is, if I’m insistent, if I’m forceful, if I’m threatening, I literally create resistance. Because anytime you feel forced, you feel pushed, you naturally resist. Right? If somebody comes and pushes you, then you’re going to resist. You’re going to push back. You have to do that to maintain your equilibrium, your balance. Because nobody likes to feel pressure, but what they love to feel, is everybody loves to feel attraction. In other words, I want to do something that I want to do.
I talk about in terms of how you want to lead people to a decision, is you want to inspire them to hire you, rather than try to intimidate them. Or threaten them, or break them down and overrun their objections until finally they just give in and relent and hire you. Because what happens is when they give in on those terms, they’re going to have remorse. They’re going to be more resistant. They’re not going to be your raving fans after it’s all over. You want to be clear that I want to be confident, I want to be strong. I want to use a downswing, not an upswing. Which I’ll teach you about in another video. That is you don’t want to go, “Come over to my house.” Which sounds uncertain. That’s an upswing. “Come over to my house. Come over to my house.” “Do you want to come over to my house for dinner?” The command that’s embedded is come over to my house, but it’s not, “Come over to my house! Right now. Get over here.” That would be threatening and forceful.
Let me just give you an example in one of my scripts that would be a pre-qualified script. “So let me ask you this, when we get together and everything looks good and you feel confident that I’m the right agent to sell your property, are you planning to hire me when we meet?” Now, in that question there are literally three embedded commands. The first one is, “feel confident.” The second one is, “sell your property.” The third one is, “hire me.” There’s an inviting way, and a confident way to say that. Then there would be threatening way. A commanding, a demanding way to do it that would be intimidating. “When we get together and everything looks good and you feel confident that I’m the right agent to sell your property, are you planning to hire me when we meet?”
The reason I kind of do that a little jokingly, a little over the edge is because a lot of the NLP training that I have seen in the Real Estate industry, in the language of sales or teaching sales how to talk “salesy”, is that the embedded commands are taught in a way that’s mechanically correct, and yet, persuasively totally ineffective. Technically correct would be, “Feel confident!” “If you feel confident that I’m the right agent to sell your property!” That would be technically correct, according to NLP strategy, it’s a command that’s embedded in a question. But in terms of being persuasive, not so much, because it’s going to create resistance.
You want to come across in a way that’s inviting not demanding. At the same time, you don’t want to come across as un-confident. Saying, “If everything looks good and you feel confident that I’m the right agent to sell your property, are you uh, um, are you planning to hire me when we meet?” That would be desperate. It comes across as uncertain. It comes across as tentative. It comes across as weak. The whole point of this thing is, the reason and the way you use an embedded command effectively is to cause people to want to work with you. To cause them to want to say yes to you. They lower their resistance because your not being demanding or threatening. You’re being inspiring not insisting. You’re being inviting not intimidating. You’re being attractive, not abrasive.
When that happens, people listen to you. They like what they hear. They like you and they want to say “yes” to you.