You may not know what the F-State is right now, but I guarantee you’ve felt it before. Think back to a time when things weren’t going the way you planned. Maybe you felt frustrated or fearful or freaked out. Maybe your body followed along with your mind, displaying symptoms like cold, clammy hands, a flushed face or whole body tremors.
Whatever the case may be, the F-State is a very real emotional and physical process – and it’s one that keeps you from functioning powerfully!
When you’re feeling frustrated, you aren’t making good decisions, and you certainly aren’t acting in a productive, empowering way. Instead, you’re reacting to outside stimuli – which, as we learned in last week’s post on the “C-Factor,” isn’t going to help you move towards your goals and achieve your dreams.
So what can you do to get past the F-State? The only way to fight through it is to exchange this disempowering state for a more powerful condition, such as determination, commitment or passion.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re saying to yourself, “But Kevin, sometimes I just get frustrated – there’s nothing that I can do to change that.” Well I disagree! Think of the F-State like you would a staticky radio station. You wouldn’t tell me that there’s nothing you can do to change it – you’d simply flip the switch to a better station. You can do the same thing to your emotional state with any of the following three strategies:
The acronym “G.O.I.” is one of my favorite mottos in real estate, and it stands for “get over it!” It might sound trite, but getting out of the F-State really can be that simple. You simply have to make the decision to stop being frustrated and remove yourself – mentally, emotionally or physically – from the situation that’s causing you frustration.
The reason that this strategy isn’t as simple as it sounds is that many of us get caught up in our own drama. Subconsciously, we enjoy being in the F-State because it allows us to stall difficult projects or because it helps us to garner the sympathy of others. If you fall into this trap, you have to stop. Allowing yourself to remain in the F-State – instead of getting over it – will prevent you from ever reaching your personal and professional goals.
Recently, I had the chance to participate in a “leap of faith” exercise, in which I climbed to the top of a 40-foot telephone pole and jumped off. Of course, I was tethered, but that didn’t make the jump any less scary!
The thing that got me through the experience was something that the instructor taught me. Instead of thinking about the total height of the pole or how far I’d be jumping, he had me focus only on my next step up the ladder. Psychologically, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the thought of climbing up all 40 feet and jumping – but I could handle simply moving up to the next rung on the ladder.
Take the same approach when you’re fighting the F-State. There’s a quote I love from Mark Twain that reads, “I have faced thousands of problems in my life, most of which never happen.” When we’re stuck in the F-State, we can become paralyzed by fears. These fears aren’t based in reality – they’re based on the anticipation of bad things that could happen in the future. By focusing on our next steps only, we can move forward and exit this harmful way of thinking.
Fear and frustration can be paralyzing. When faced with the F-State, many of think, “I’m afraid – just give me more time!” But the problem is that time isn’t the issue. In fact, the longer we delay confronting the issues that have put us in the F-State, the longer we prolong this state of being.
Think about the most courageous people you know. Now, trust me when I say that they have just as many fears as you do – they’re just better at taking action in spite of them. When you find yourself in the F-State, taking one step forward – no matter how small – can help to break this cycle of fear and give you the courage and momentum needed to move forward. If you find yourself feeling fearful or frustrated, identify one small step you can take and do it without looking back.
No matter how charmed your life is or how Zen your mindset may be, you’re going to face moments in the F-State. But by training yourself to consciously move forward, identify your next steps and take action, you’ll be able to break out of this disempowering state and make actual progress towards your dreams.